What is the inner child?

The concept of the inner child pertains to the emotional and psychological aspects of an individual’s personality, deeply rooted in childhood experiences and memories. It embodies a vulnerable, curious, and authentic facet of oneself that may have been disregarded or suppressed throughout the process of growing older. Every individual possesses an inner child—an integral part of their subconscious that absorbs messages and retains memories, emotions, and beliefs that shape a person’s self-perception long before they can fully comprehend the mental and emotional implications. Have you ever tuned in to the small voice within you? The one that evokes memories of your younger self? Regardless of age, our younger versions reside within us, accompanying us in our daily lives. The inner child mirrors the “negative” and “positive” aspects of the child we once were. The term “inner child” is frequently employed to describe the profound connection one has with their inner child and their recollections of childhood. Occasionally, you might notice certain behaviours or emotions that resemble those experienced during childhood, causing distress as you navigate the complexities of adulthood.

It is important to note that not everyone may feel attuned to their inner child. However, their childhood self may manifest in behaviours, emotional reactions, or communication styles during moments of intense emotions. These behaviours could manifest as seeking reassurance from a partner, shedding tears due to overwhelming feelings, or experiencing an inclination to express anger on a difficult day. The inner child can also reveal itself through positive expressions such as playful behaviour, humour, adventurousness, impulsivity, creativity, and imagination.

How it impacts our subconscious mind?

The inner child is an integral part of our subconscious mind, representing a significant concept that helps us comprehend past events and our resulting programming. Our life’s journey, encompassing all our past experiences, is stored within our minds. If we encounter trauma, especially during childhood, it is stored as the persona of the child we were at that time. Roberto Assagioli describes the inner child as a psychosynthesis of all our developmental stages, with each age forming a small part of our overall being. Thus, the Inner Child is not merely an ego state or subpersonality but the true essence of our personality, exerting a profound influence on our entire life.

The concept of the subconscious was initially introduced by Sigmund Freud in 1915. We now understand that the subconscious mind is responsible for more than 90% of our feelings, beliefs, and behaviours. Researchers have argued that the subconscious determines as much as 95% of our behaviour. The subconscious mind functions as our operating system, running continuously from just before birth. It is the primary driving force until age 6 when our conscious mind begins to develop, acting as the applications we actively utilize. During early childhood, our minds accept all information as true because we don’t yet have existing belief systems based on prior experiences to contradict it. By age 6 or 7, we have established beliefs that become increasingly resistant to change. From that point on, when new information is presented, the subconscious evaluates it against our existing beliefs, either accepting or rejecting it. This forms the foundation of our perception of the world and explains why experiences from early childhood remain the most influential factor in determining our happiness in life.

We, as children, generally cannot hold two opposing thoughts. If our parents love us but put tons of pressure on us, we tend to cling to the love and suck it up and deal with the pressure. If one of our parents is abusive to us but gives us gifts, we accept the gifts as love and bury the abuse deep in our subconscious. We desire to see our parents as loving and providing all the nurturing we need. When they don’t, we, as children, can’t comprehend that they have their own issues. So we take the good and bury the bad.

Regardless of external factors such as wealth, friends, and possessions, we cannot find peace or experience true happiness if trauma is stored in our subconscious mind. We become unable to live freely and instead seek compensation. We may engage in various distractions to escape our thoughts. We develop addictive behaviours, compulsive buying habits, overworking tendencies, and even physical symptoms like anorexia, obesity, cardiovascular diseases, and, in extreme cases, cancer. As a component of our subconscious mind, the inner child plays a vital role in our health, happiness, and overall life. Understanding and healing our inner child is crucial for overcoming mental obstacles or illnesses. And indeed, healing the inner child is achievable.

How can inner child work help us as adults?

When dealing with issues today as an adult, it may seem counterintuitive to trawl through the past. All the bad stuff we buried unconsciously in our childhood, the conflict we avoided, still wants to be worked out. The child inside of us begins to scream and figure out ways to get what s/he didn’t get during childhood. We develop different defense mechanisms to manage our childhood trauma. This usually plays out in relationships. The child that is longing to be accepted as an adult jumps from relationship to relationship. The child that feels not good enough as an adult, keeps seeking approval. The abandoned child turns out clingy and needy towards friends and intimate partners to fulfill the childhood need to hear that you are there. The neglected child may become too independent and hate to rely on  others to avoid the same pain endured in childhood.

The idea is that accessing your inner child allows you to uncover and heal any repressed emotions you experienced growing up and identify the root behind any phobias issues as an adult. Inner child work can help with the following: discovering and releasing repressed emotions holding you back, helping you recognize your unmet needs, and resolving unhelpful patterns offering an opportunity for increased self-care, helping you be creative and playful, raising your self-respect.

How to heal your inner child?

Write a letter

Writing a letter to your inner child is highly recommendable to open a dialogue and start the healing process. You might write about childhood memories from your adult perspective, offering insight or explanations for distressing circumstances you didn’t understand back then. Maybe you didn’t know why your older brother always shouted at you and smashed your toys, but you learned to fear him . Due to your childhood experience you may have developed a fear towards authoritative figures. Sharing this revelation with your inner child can help relieve and resolve some lingering pain. A letter can also give you a chance to offer messages of reassurance and comfort.

A few questions can also help keep the dialogue going:

“How do you feel?”

“How can I support you?”

“What do you need from me?”

Sitting with these questions can often lead to answers, though it may take some time before your inner child feels safe and secure.

Talk to a therapist

Past trauma can cause a lot of distress. Therapists attempt to create a safe space for you to begin navigating this emotional turmoil and learn helpful strategies for healing your inner child. Therapists typically recognize how childhood experiences and other past events can affect your life, relationships, and overall well-being. But not all types of therapy prioritize exploring past events or related concepts, such as the inner child. Inner child therapy, also called inner child work, specifically focuses on this process, but other types of therapists can also offer support. It always helps to let potential therapists know the specific concerns you’d like to explore.

Practice visualization

The process of visualization is a great way to connect to your inner child. It is crucial to recognize that the subconscious mind operates in images. Words we read or hear are converted into and stored as images in our subconscious. Understanding this is essential when it comes to changing our belief systems. When first starting, guided visualizations can be most helpful.

The way to fix this is to understand that you hold the key. What that inner child did not get from Mom and Dad, it is longing to receive from you. Not your husband or wife, not your career or success, but from you. If we can learn to give ourselves enough grace to stop and listen to what that child is trying to tell us, we can then be kind, embrace him or her, and hold ourselves in the arms of self-accept